mute/unmute

Over the weekend, my first cold of the season turned into laryngitis.  Have you ever experienced laryngitis?  It's my first time, and I can tell you now from experience that it might be the worst thing in the first world.  Look out, Black Mold, because now we're on to something much worse than you.

For two days I couldn't speak at all. Abe and I had this whole system where I clapped once for "yes,"  twice for "no," and a whole bunch of times in quick succession for "yay."  (As it turns out, that may be all I have to contribute to a conversation.)

Now when I open my mouth, sometimes there's sound (ugly, croaky sound) and other times nothing comes out at all.  When you aren't able to talk, after the initial panic wears off, you realize - and it's amazing - how very little you have to say. On the other hand, you realize that without words (and knowledge of sign language), you can't do anything.  Here is a partial list of things you can't do when you lose your voice:

• Ask your husband about his day
• Tell the dog to stop jumping on you/nipping at you/chasing the cat
• Call the Apple store to ask about replacing the computer charger that died
• Order Chinese food
• Find your husband when he wanders into another aisle at the store
• Alert the chickens that you brought snacks
• Go to work.

 Since I haven't been able to work, I have had plenty of time to research ways to heal my voice online.  Here is a partial list of home remedies from the internet that will not even put a dent in laryngitis:

• drinking gallons of herbal tea with lemon and honey
• drinking/eating turmeric
• nearly drowning in an attempt to gargle salt water
• eating spicy foods
• eating garlic
• cough drops
• steaming your sinuses with very hot water and eucalyptus oil
• wearing a scarf day and night for four days in a row
• resting
• avoiding "mucus-producing" foods

I told you that laryngitis is the worst thing ever.  Do you understand?  Laryngitis makes the internet a liar.